


Running Head On

by thursdayschild



Series: For the Misfits and the Losers [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pack Feels, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Stiles, Werewolf Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thursdayschild/pseuds/thursdayschild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like many college students, Stiles changed a lot during his freshman year. He started testosterone injections, made friends, and got bitten by his werewolf boyfriend, who then stopped talking to him. Now, he has to find a way to connect with his pack before his first full moon tears him apart and he never has a chance to find out what Derek is so afraid of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from the Hedwig and the Angry Inch song In Your Arms Tonight.
> 
> I think the only relevant piece of information from the previous story that's not covered in this chapter is that Scott and Stiles didn't grow up in Beacon Hills.

After Stiles got home from his first year of college, he went into his room and shut the door. He leaned against the wood, firm and stable, and wondered what the hell he was going to do.

Like many college students, Stiles had changed a lot during his first year. He’d made new friends, learned about himself and the world, and discovered drinking – to name a few of the changes. He’d gotten his first boyfriend, who currently wasn’t talking to him. He’d started testosterone injections in October, beginning his physical transition towards the more masculine body he dreamed of. He’d also been bitten by a werewolf.

His freshman year had been, in a word, transformative.

Derek hadn’t meant to bite him, almost two weeks ago now, and Stiles hadn’t heard from him since then. Derek wasn’t answering his texts and when Stiles had gone to Derek’s room to try to talk to him, he’d already left campus. Of course, he hadn’t told anyone what had happened, expect for his best friend’s girlfriend, Allison, who happened to be a werewolf hunter by birth and had helped Derek take care of Stiles the day after he’d been bitten when it hadn’t been clear if he was going to turn or die.

Stiles tried not to think about the big picture of his life that often. It was just way too messed up and scary.

There was a knock on the door.

"Stiles?”

"Yeah, Dad?” he asked, pushing himself up to stand properly.

"You okay?”

"Yeah. Just tried. Long drive.”

"Dinner’s underway. I’ll call you when it’s done.”

"You need help?” Stiles asked, opening the door and trying to look like a normal college student and not a totally freaked out college werewolf.

"I got it. Melissa – Mrs. McCall – has been teaching me some new recipes.”

Stiles smiled, filing that bit of information away to bring up next time he saw Scott.

"Okay.”

His dad left and Stiles closed the door before sinking back down to the carpet.

He was quite good at pretending to be okay. As close as he was to his father, he found it alarmingly easy to lie to him at this point. He’d spent a lot of his childhood pretending to be okay after his mom had died and, in high school, he’d pretended to be okay as he wrestled with his gender before he came out as trans. Now, he was pretending to be okay and not a freaking werewolf. It seemed like his life was just one implosion after another.

But at least this time he had a plan.

Stiles’s father had to be at work early the next morning and he was sound asleep by ten thirty. Stiles crept downstairs around half past eleven and logged into his dad’s computer, getting the password right on his second guess. He started going through police files, searching everywhere he could think of and hoping his dad wouldn’t notice when years-old files suddenly had much more recent “last opened” dates.

His dad hadn’t been directly involved in the Hale case, of course, but he’d done his police training with the man who’d been Beacon Hills sheriff at the time and his friend had asked him to unofficially consult. Stiles was praying that a) his father had been sent some files electronically, b) he still had them, and c) they held the information he needed. Stiles wasn’t sure exactly how involved his dad had been in the case. He’d just been a kid then and his dad hadn’t told him about mass murders via arson as a bedtime story. Still, he remembered his dad being involved and it wasn’t like he had any other leads. He supposed he could just wander around until the sense of pack he could fell drew him to Laura and Derek, but that seemed both dangerous and time consuming.

After about a half-hour of fruitless searching, Stiles was starting to feel a little desperate. Maybe he should start looking through his dad’s emails. He was searching through the downloads folder when he final found it: a partial case file for the Hale fire and murders. He scanned the pdf, chewing his lip. At first, he didn’t see what he needed, but then he spotted it. He typed the number into his phone before closing everything and praying his dad didn’t notice.

He figured it was far too late to be calling people by the time he got back up to his room so he waited till midmorning the next day when his dad was at work to dial the number. He listened to it ring, begging the world to let the number still belong to the same person it had almost six years ago.

"Hello?” said a female voice.

One of the presences in the back of Stiles’s mind spiked. It was her. It was his alpha.

"Laura?” he asked, hoping it wasn’t rude to address your alpha by their first name.

"Stiles?”

"Yes!” He could feel himself grinning, overjoyed that she recognized him.

“How did you get my number?”

“Police file,” Stiles admitted. “My dad’s a sheriff and he was friends with the guy who— who was the sheriff in Beacon Hills when you lived there.”

“Oh. Of course.” She laughed a little. “So are you okay?”

“You mean other than having been turned into a werewolf and then stranded with no idea of what to do? Yeah, I’m peachy.”

There was a short pause and Stiles could tell Laura was doing some quick thinking.

“Does you father know about you and Derek?” she asked.

“Yeah. If there still is a me and Derek,” he muttered.

“Good. Tell him that you’re coming to visit Derek. His birthday is just about a week before the next full moon. Tell you dad you’re coming for his twenty-first. Do you have a car?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll give you the address and you get here and stay here. I can teach you how to control it.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Stiles felt relieved and he just breathed for a moment.

“What about Derek?” he asked.

“What about him?”

“He isn’t talking to me.”

Laura sighed.

“I know. I can’t get him to talk to me either other than telling me it was you. But, if nothing else, you two are in the same pack now; you have to deal with each other.”

“I’m not the one who won’t—,” Stiles began hotly.

“I know,” she said again, sounding remarkably like someone’s mom. “I’ll try to talk to Derek. You just get here.”

“When?”

“As soon as you can before the full moon.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to my dad tonight.”

“Good.” She was quiet for a moment. “I’m so glad you called, Stiles. I was starting to think I’d have to steal Derek’s phone to get your number.”

Stiles smiled weakly.

“I’ll let you know when I can get there.”

“Okay. Let me give you the address.”

* * *

 

“Hey, Dad?” asked Stiles coming into the kitchen where his father had a case file spread out over the table.

He looked up and the exhaustion in his eyes made Stiles change his question at once.

“What are you working on?” he asked.

“String of robberies. Nothing really major league. Just damn persistent.”

“Looks like it’s giving you some major trouble, though,” Stiles said, moving in to peer at the papers.

“We’ll get there in the end. There’s a pattern if I could just see it.”

Stiles nodded.

“Did you want to ask me something?”

“It can wait,” he said with a shrug.

His father closed the folder in front of him and focused properly on Stiles.

“What is it?” he asked.

Stiles debated for a moment, but decided to answer.

“Well, Derek’s turning twenty-one soon and I was talking to his sister and she thought maybe I could I drive up there and surprised him.” It wasn’t, strictly speaking, a lie. Derek would definitely be surprised if Stiles showed up at his house.

“You know his sister? Laura, right?” he asked, frowning.

“Facebook,” said Stiles at once, wondering why he hadn’t thought of that sooner instead of digging illegally through old police files. Sometimes his brain just jumped straight to the hard way. Maybe it was because that was how his life seemed to work.

His father nodded.

“That sounds like fun. How far is it?”

“From here? About five hours, I think.”

“And how long would you be staying?”

“I’m not sure,” said Stiles honestly. “Maybe a little over a week?”

“Well, that sounds fine. Tell me when you have more certain plans.”

“Will do. Thanks, Dad.”

Stiles retreated to his room to report back to Laura and they started planning.


	2. Chapter 2

Stiles packed a duffle bag and threw it into his Jeep the day before Derek’s birthday. His plan with Laura was to get as much done before full moon as possible and then send him back home as soon as he was up to it. What he’d do the next month wasn’t clear yet. Stiles supposed they’d make a plan depending on how well things went in a week.

Stiles hated driving when he was nervous. He had trouble keeping his speed constant and was always sure he’d gotten lost. He had print outs from Google maps and the app on his phone, but he was so distracted by thoughts of what would happen when he saw Derek again that he had to reroute several times.

He wasn’t sure what to expect from the new Hale house, but it proved to be an old-fashioned looking farmhouse that was far too big for just two people. As he drove up the winding, dirt road to the house, Stiles supposed that Laura had picked it due to the vast amount of land around it that would provide a large buffer between society and angry werewolves once a month. Despite its lonely placement, Stiles felt connected to the house at once. This was where his pack lived. This was, in a way, his home. He parked his Jeep near the familiar Camaro and an older Volvo wagon that must have belonged to Laura. He got out, shouldered his bag, and took a deep breath.

He’d barely taken the first steps towards the door when it opened and a smiling young woman appeared. Laura Hale was in her mid-twenties and Stiles could feel safety and authority emitting from her. She started to walk towards him and Stiles went to meet her as if he’d known her his whole life. However, it was not her voice that said his name first.

“Stiles?”

Stiles turned and saw Derek walking out of the woods beside the house, confusion and something that might have been fear rolling off him like a strong smell.

“Hey, Derek,” said Stiles nervously.

“So this is what you were hiding,” Derek said accusingly to his sister.

“Stiles is in our pack and needs our help,” Laura said firmly. She’d reached him now and pulled Stiles into a hug, rubbing her cheek against his hair like Derek did – used to do.

“Hi,” he said, feeling awash in a happiness that was somehow outside of his control. He was _home_ in a way he’d never been before.

Derek reached them as Laura released Stiles and they stood looking at each other. Stiles was aching to cling to Derek, but Derek looked like he might bite him again if he tried.

Laura looked between them, frowning at the emotions Stiles knew she could sense.

“Well, I was going to start Stiles with a tour, but maybe you two should talk first.”

Derek shot Laura a look that very clearly said, “I don’t want to,” but she just glared at him.

“I’ll be in the kitchen,” she said. “Can I take your bag, Stiles?”

The duffle was out of Stiles’s hands before he could even answer and Laura headed back into the house, leaving Derek and Stiles alone together.

They watched her vanish inside before looking at each other again. Derek dropped his gaze quickly and started walking. It took Stiles a second to realize this and to match Derek’s pace.

“So, um. Nice place,” Stiles said as Derek strode across the lawn.

“Laura found it. Figured we’d be safe here.”

“It’s big.”

“Gives us room to run,” said Derek, sounding as if he’d like to start running right then and there.

“I meant the house.”

“I think she figured there’d be more of us again one day.”

Stiles nodded, still walking quickly to keep up with Derek.

“Derek?” Stiles asked after a minute.

Derek gave his head a quick, jerky shake.

“Come on, we can’t just never talk again,” he said, frustrated.

Derek kept walking.

“Seriously, dude?”

Derek continued to ignore him, walking purposefully towards the trees, his shoulders hunched and tight under his shirt.

“Derek,” snapped Stiles sharply. He grabbed Derek’s arm and, to his surprise, was able to bring him to a stumbling halt. He hadn’t really gotten a hold of the werewolf strength thing yet. “Talk to me.”

Derek was silent for a moment.

“Listen,” he said, very quietly.

Stiles waited, confused, before realizing that Derek had meant it literally. He closed his eyes, focusing on his hearing and suddenly he could hear everything. He staggered slightly at the noise of nature. He was starting to be able to shut out the racket his new werewolf hearing allowed him notice and it took him a minute to sort through the sounds and find what Derek had meant. He could hear Laura in the kitchen. He heard the fridge open and close and then her footsteps.

He opened his eyes and looked at Derek.

Derek started walking again and Stiles understood. He was trying to get to a place where Laura couldn’t hear them.

Stiles followed him deep into the woods, walking in silence for well over five minutes before Derek final stopped in a small clearing. Glancing around, Stiles could tell Derek spent time here often. Werewolf vision showed him Derek-sized footprints in the moss and plain human vision could see the battering that the trees had taken. It was the kind of battering a frustrated werewolf might give them.

Stiles listened and couldn’t hear the house at all. He looked up at Derek.

Derek looked back at him and started to pace.

“Derek,” said Stiles, voice gentle now. “Talk to me?”

He stopped on the far side of the small clearing, staring at the ground.

It quickly become evident that Derek was not going to talk if Stiles didn’t get things started somehow.

“Look,” he said, trying to remember all the times he’d planned out in his head what he wanted to say to Derek. “I can only guess at why you won’t talk to me. But I’m guessing that you’re scared of something. I’m not mad at you or anything if that’s it. Or at least I wasn’t until you stopped talking to me and then vanished. That hurt more than anything else. Maybe you though it would be easier, but—.” He shook his head. “Or maybe you’re mad at me for being out there that night, for being so stupid, for—.”

“I’m not mad at you,” said Derek quietly.

“So what is it, then?”

Derek ran his fingers through his hair.

“I guess I panicked.”

“You _panicked_?” Stiles repeated disbelievingly. “You panicked and refused to speak to me? It’s not like I was giving you the silent treatment. I’ve texted you. A lot.”

“Stiles, I’m sorry. I just—.”

“You just what?” Stiles demanded, feeling heat rising inside of him.

“I fucking ruined your life. You must know that. I couldn’t let myself imagine that you—.”

“Still cared about you?” Stiles supplied. “Well, I do. God help me, I do.”

“I’m sorry,” Derek said again. “I guess Allison was right about me.”

“You didn’t kill me,” Stiles said dryly.

“I turned you against your will. That’s breaking their code.”

“I know. Remember the part where I told Allison I asked for this to keep her from trying to kill you?”

Derek nodded.

Stiles sighed, frustrated and confused. His emotions were running away with him and he didn’t know if he’d be able to control himself. It was scary, but it seemed to be part of the werewolf package. Plus, he still didn’t understand why Derek had run like he had.

“Just tell me what’s going on,” he said, voice becoming tired. “What are you so afraid of?”

Derek licked his lips, shifting uncomfortably.

“I was afraid that—.”

“Yeah?”

“I was afraid that you’d hate me,” he muttered, not looking at Stiles.

“I don’t hate you,” said Stiles, taking a few steps towards Derek.

“You should.”

“But I don’t. Why would you even think that?”

“Like I said, I ruined your life.”

“Nothing’s ruined. Everything’s just different.”

“People want you dead now,” said Derek sharply.

“People wanted me dead before.”

“Your healing will fuck with your transition.”

“I know.”

“You’re dangerous.”

“I know,” said Stiles again, starting to get frustrated. “Why are you doing this? What are you scared of?” he demanded again.

Derek stared at him, eyes wide, breath coming too fast.

“I love you,” he said in a low rush.

“What?” asked Stiles, completely thrown off.

“I’m sorry,” said Derek at once.

“Wait. No. Did you just—?”

“I love you, Stiles,” said Derek, finally meeting his eyes. “And everyone I love either dies or hurts me. That’s what I’m scared of.”

“What about Laura?” said Stiles, dodging everything else.

“You think she’s the same person I knew? My sister suddenly had to become my mother as well – my whole family, my whole pack. She was nineteen. What do you think that did to her?”

Before Stiles could even think of an answer, Derek went on, desperation tearing at his voice.

“But you, Stiles. You’re young and full of hope and life. You had a future, a chance at amazing things. And then I came along and fell in love with you and destroyed all of that.”

Stiles stared at him, trying to figure out which part of that messed-up statement to rip apart first.

“This—. This isn’t about you,” he said at last.

“What? I never said—.”

“No. You did. You made it about you when you stopped talking to me. I was freaking the fuck out and I needed you so badly, but you just abandoned me. Because _you_ couldn’t handle it.” Stiles glared at Derek, his blood pounding in his ears so loudly it almost hurt. “You made me part of your pack and then you just left me because _you_ were afraid. How is not making it about you?”

Derek clearly hadn’t thought about it that way before. Stiles could sense his hurt and confusion, but he was too angry to feel guilty about it. In a corner of him mind, he could also feel Laura’s worry, but he pushed that aside as well. If anything in his life was allowed to be all about him, this was it.

“Stiles, I’m sorry,” said Derek once more, eyes begging for forgiveness.

“Yeah, I got that,” he snapped. “But this is _my_ life. _I_ get to decide when it’s ruined, got it? You don’t get to tell me when my life is over or what I lost. And you don’t get to guilt trip me by telling me you’re in love.”

“I didn’t mean—.”

“Well, it’s what you said!”

Stiles hadn’t meant to get angry. He hadn’t meant to accuse Derek of anything. He hadn’t meant to make Derek look so hurt and broken. In his plans, he’d found out calmly why Derek was upset and gently talked him through it until everything was alright and they could go back to being happy together. In his plans, he’d been gentle and understanding and he’d helped Derek. In his plans, there’d been a happily ever after.

But this wasn’t his plans.

Derek was looking at Stiles like he’d slapped him across the face and Stiles could tell that if he pushed Derek much further, he’d probably start crying. Stiles could also sense Laura forcing herself not to come looking for them, making herself let Stiles and Derek work out their problems alone.

Stiles could feel himself shaking and he felt weak and scared and terrible. He’d just said awful things to Derek, whether or not they were true. Derek was his pack now, his family. He remembered the overwhelming sense of home he’d felt when he’d pulled up the house. He didn’t want to lose that. He didn’t want to be a lone wolf. He wanted his pack. And he wanted Derek. He wanted Derek to hold him and comfort him. He wanted Derek to help Laura teach him. He wanted to run with Derek under the light of the full moon. Despite everything, he still trusted Derek more than almost anyone else in the world.

He looked down at his shoes.

“Derek, I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“It’s okay,” said Derek, moving cautiously towards Stiles.

“It’s not. I shouldn’t have said—.”

“It’s okay that you’re angry. I hurt you.”

Stiles looked up and saw Derek standing close to him. He wanted to ask permission to cling to Derek and he was about to when he met Derek’s eyes. Before he could even open his mouth, Derek had pulled him close and was holding Stiles tightly to his chest. Stiles buried his face in Derek’s soft Henley and, before he could stop himself, he was crying. He felt Derek’s arms tighten around him, one hand rubbing his back. Derek pressed his face into Stiles’s hair, scent-marking him gently and murmuring soft comfort.

“Are we going to be okay?” Stiles asked eventually.

“I don’t know.”

Stiles looked up at him, tears streaking his face and his nose running gracelessly.

“I hope we will be,” Derek told him gently. “But I think I’ve already broken enough promises to you already.”

Stiles nodded and rested his head against Derek’s chest.

“I did mean what I said. I do love you.”

Stiles chewed his lip. He didn’t know what to say. He’d had an idea for a while now that he might be in love with Derek, but he had no way of knowing if he was correctly identifying his feelings. How was he supposed to know? He certainly felt something towards Derek that he’d never felt before, but was the love or just, well, lust?

“It’s okay,” Derek said again. “It’s okay if you don’t know and it’s okay if you know you don’t. But if nothing else, we’re pack now and I’m going to take care of you as best I can. And so is Laura.”

Stiles nodded against Derek’s chest.

“Do you want to go back to the house now or do you want to wait?”

Stiles shrugged.

“You seem pretty tired. Laura’s making dinner.”

Stiles pressed closer to Derek.

“Okay.”

Derek and Stiles stood in the clearing for a long time together, just holding each other. Eventually, Stiles started to feel a little woozy from lack of water and food and Derek led him gently back to the house where Laura greeted them with a warm smile and the assurance that dinner was almost ready.

* * *

After they’d eaten, Laura quietly asked Stiles if he wanted to sleep with the pack or just with Derek. She told him that either was fine, but shot Derek a quick look that Stiles was fairly sure meant, “I better not hear you fucking this kid, little bro.”

“Or you can sleep by yourself, of course,” she added. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, Stiles. This is your home now too.”

Stiles smiled shyly, but Laura’s words made him feel warm and safe.

“Maybe just Derek?”

“Of course.”

Derek took Stiles and his duffle up to his room. It was large and lived in, with posters and magazine spreads stuck to the walls.

“It really hasn’t changed since I was a teenager,” Derek muttered and Stiles could feel his embarrassment.

“It’s fine.”

“The bathroom’s through there if you want to change or whatever.”

When Stiles returned to the bedroom, Derek was gone. Stiles frowned, sure Derek would not leave him for long after what had happened. Derek’s clothes were on the floor, but Derek himself seemed to have vanished into thin air.

Stiles nearly screamed when something large and black jumped onto the bed from the fair side, stretching and lazy. The black wolf froze, it’s eyes on Stiles and Stiles could feel his heart racing rabbit fast. The wolf stared at Stiles for a moment and then dove, nose first, under the comforter. The lump under the blankets writhed around for a moment and then Derek’s voice came from underneath.

“Sorry! I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry!”

The blankets twisted around and then Derek’s head appeared.

“I’m really sorry, Stiles,” he said, sitting up and smoothing the comforter over his lap. “I usually sleep like that here and I thought I’d just stretch out and I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Stiles, taking a deep breath and willing his heart to stop racing. “You can change whenever?”

“When I’m this close to Laura – to my pack – yeah. After enough time, you could probably do it to.”

Stiles nodded, still a little shaky.

“I need to get my clothes,” Derek said, awkwardly.

Stiles smiled faintly. He’d forgotten how cute it was when Derek got awkward. He went obligingly back into the bathroom until Derek coughed. When Stiles came back, Derek was sitting on the bed, dressed and looking sheepish.

“Hey,” Derek said.

“Hey.”

Stiles fidgeted for a minute and Derek waited patiently for him to speak.

“Now would probably not be the time for me to ask you to teach me about make-up sex, huh,” he said.

Derek smiled, but shook his head.

“My sister has super-hearing.”

“I’d offer my place, but my dad has a gun.”

Derek patted the bed gently and Stiles came to sit next to him.

“I am sorry, Stiles. For everything. Can you—? Can you forgive me?” He made a face like the triteness of it all was too much for him to handle.

Stiles made a show of pondering Derek for a moment.

“Get me through the full moon with no casualties and I think we can work something out,” he said, not sure how much he was kidding.

“Good thing I’ve got back-up,” Derek said.

“I think you’re the back-up in this situation, first beta.”

Derek rolled his eyes and got under the sheets.

“We should get some rest then. Tomorrow will be a lot of work.”

“Tomorrow’s your twenty-first birthday,” Stiles pointed out.

“So? Getting you through the moon is more important.”

Stiles nodded, getting into bed and surprising himself by the ease with which he cuddled up to Derek.

“Anyway, it’s not like it matters. Werewolves can’t get drunk.”

“ _What?_ I take back anything I said about my life not being ruined.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First beta is a thing that I explained in the previous story. If you're just now joining us, it's a term I made up for the second in command of the pack, which in this case would be Derek.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Laura was already awake when Stiles and Derek appeared downstairs, dressed, but yawning. The pancakes they’d smelled were confirmed when they reached the kitchen. Laura smiled a little sadly at Derek and Stiles frowned looking between the two of them.

“Happy birthday, little bro,” she said, handing Derek a plate of chocolate chocolate-chip pancakes.

“Thanks,” he replied, throat sounding a little tight.

They were all seated at the kitchen table with pancakes before either of them seemed to realize that Stiles had no idea what was going on.

“Traditional birthday breakfast,” Laura explained. “When we were little our uncle Peter would always make special pancakes for people’s birthdays. Derek always asked for these.”

“Oh,” said Stiles, not sure if he should offer comfort or not. He was part of Laura and Derek’s pack now, but that didn’t make him part of the pack that had been murdered.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Laura spoke again.

“Alright. I figure we get Stiles through Werewolf 101: An Insider’s Perspective today, make sure he knows exactly what to expect and what he’s capable of.”

Derek nodded.

“He knows some of it from me, but there’s definitely a lot more.”

“We might have time to get into some physical stuff in the afternoon, but we need time for a proper dinner.”

“We’re not jeopardizing Stiles’s safety because it’s my birthday,” said Derek at once.

“We need to eat dinner,” Laura told him firmly.

“Whatever,” Derek muttered.

Laura rolled her eyes and Stiles tried not to laugh at how alike they’d turned out to be.

* * *

Half an hour later, they were sitting on the porch for Stiles’s first lesson in being a werewolf. Laura spoke calmly with occasional interjections from Derek.

“So, to start, have you transformed yet?” she asked.

“Not really.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Not fully or on purpose.”

She nodded.

“Alright then. You know about the two kinds?”

“The weird partial one and the full wolf one?” Stiles offered.

“Exactly. It’s easiest to be in control when you’re with your pack – especially your alpha – but that doesn’t mean you’re in trouble if you’re on your own. Controlling the partial shift is fairly easy to learn, particularly if you’re already good at controlling your emotions since things like anger are most likely to set you off. Control on the full moon is much more difficult. But, you’ll have your pack and Derek and I can tell you what to expect and help keep you in check that night.”

Stiles nodded, feeling like he ought to be taking notes.

“The main thing you need is a strong anchor. Did Derek tell you anything about that?”

“A little.”

“So your anchor needs to be a strong force in your life. It could be a feeling or a person. It could even be a place. It needs to be powerful, but it also needs to be human. Baser emotions like rage make weak anchors. However, something like family or home would be a strong anchor. Your anchor is your hold on your humanity. It keeps you grounded in yourself and helps you keep at least partial control of your mind. If you’re conflicted about your anchor, things can go horribly wrong.”

She shot Derek a quick look and Stiles wondered if there really had been something wrong with Derek’s anchor the night he’d bitten Stiles.

“Should I think of one right now?” he asked.

“No, but do start thinking about it. And you don’t have to tell anyone what it is. Most people don’t.”

The lesson went on from there. Stiles learned exactly what the physical and mental results of both kinds of shifts were. He learned about pack structure and how to deal with members of other packs. (Carefully seemed to be the short answer to that question.) He learned more about the hunters’ code, though most of it was speculation based on the hunters’ actions over the years. He learned that there were other kinds of supernatural creatures, though Laura didn’t give him any real details. He learned about his new abilities. Laura assured him that he’d get used to his super-senses and be able to focus them more clearly with practice. He learned how the mantle of alpha passed from wolf to wolf and how alphas were different from the others.

By the time they stopped for sandwiches, Stiles felt overwhelmed with information. Derek correctly interpreted Stiles’s silence.

“I think we should take a break from talking,” he said to Laura. “Maybe go for the physical stuff. Whether or not he knows how to replace the first beta won’t really help him on the full moon.”

Laura nodded.

“We can work on the partial shift after lunch.”

* * *

Shifting was neither fun nor easy.

Stiles screwed up his face, focused as hard as he could, and desperately tried to access the wolf inside him.

According to Derek, he just looked angry and constipated.

“Alright,” Laura sighed after nearly half an hour of giving Stiles pointers that were getting him nowhere. “We might have to do this the hard way.”

Stiles gulped.

“Does that hard way involved hitting me in the face?”

Laura opened her mouth, but Derek jumped to his feet before she could say anything.

“No,” he said. “It involves me getting my laptop.” And he ran back into the house.

Laura and Stiles exchanged confused looks, but soon Derek was back. He sat on the porch steps and typed for a moment.

“Okay,” he said to Stiles. “Don’t break my computer.”

Stiles narrowed his eyes and took a few steps back from Derek. Laura, still frowning, positioned herself more or less between Stiles and Derek.

“So,” said Derek, “a reading from the comments section of a trans* blog.”

Stiles could already feel himself getting angry.

The change hurt and Stiles lost a few seconds of time. One moment, Derek was reading the disgustingly transphobic and frighteningly hateful comments and the next Stiles was crouched on the ground, feeling like he was ready to attack someone. His face burned and his fingertips throbbed. He could tell that his body wasn’t in its usual space, but it somehow felt like the most natural thing in the world.

“Well, that worked fast,” Laura observed.

Stiles’s focus snapped onto her. He could feel every part of his body moving into place to spring forward into violence.

“Stiles?”

Stiles’s eyes darted to Derek, who had gotten to his feet and was looking at Stiles with something like wariness in his eyes. He didn’t like the feeling he got when Derek looked at him like that. Stiles shook his head and came back to himself. He’d changed. He looked down at his hands and saw claws; he touched his face and felt hair. He raised his gaze to Derek again. Derek looked more relaxed, like he could tell Stiles was in control.

“How’s it feel?” he asked.

“I have facial hair,” Stiles replied, thrilled.

“Unfortunately, there isn’t a partial change that’s just the hair.”

“Try to change back,” Laura told him.

“How?” asked Stiles, realizing that he had no idea what he’d done to shift.

“Just focus on yourself, on your humanity. If you have an idea for an anchor, you can try focusing on that to test it out.”

Stiles focused and felt himself shifted back almost at once.

“Very nice,” said Laura.

Stiles smiled a little shakily.

“Will it always feel like that?”

“It does hurt less eventually, but mostly you just get used to it.” She checked the time on her phone. “Alright, go get some water and then you’re just going to have to drill changing back and forth. It won’t be fun, but we’ve got to get you through this as quickly as possible. We need to start on control tomorrow.”

“Control?” Stiles asked.

“You need to not shift anytime you get angry. You also need to be able to keep your humanity while you’re shifted.”

Stiles nodded.

“This is going to be a rough week, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.”

* * *

Laura ended training so she could go start making dinner. Stiles retreated upstairs to shower and try not to think about werewolves for five minutes. His body ached from changing back and forth so quickly. The hot water wasn’t much help and, even after staying in the shower for much longer than necessary, he still felt about as good as he had after back-to-school lacrosse training in high school.

By the time he got back downstairs, dressed and clean, Laura was setting dinner on the table.

“There you are, Stiles. We were starting to think you’d drowned.”

“No, just tired.”

She nodded.

“Well, come sit down.”

Stiles nodded, taking a set across from Derek and breathing in the smell of spaghetti and meatballs.

“Is this another birthday tradition?” he asked once everyone was seated.

“Yes and no,” Laura said. “It’s usually a little more exciting than this, but I didn’t want to put too much time into it.”

Stiles nodded, trying not to feel guilty for messing up Derek’s birthday since it wasn’t really his fault and Derek clearly didn’t care.

Laura poked the conversation along as they ate, asking Stiles about what he was studying, his friends, his family, and pretty much anything else she could come up with. Derek was quiet and Stiles could tell something was up, but he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. He supposed Derek was still beating himself up about biting Stiles, but figured it was better just to let him be for at least a little while.

They cleaned up together, Laura explaining that she didn’t do all the cooking and that she’d have to get Derek to make dinner because he was, in her opinion, a much better chef. It seemed Laura hadn’t had time to worry about cake and a hint of wrapping paper in the trash suggested that Derek had already had all the birthday excitement he was going to get. Stiles wondered if he should have gotten Derek anything. He hadn’t really thought about, though now that he did he had no idea what Derek might want or what would even be appropriate.

“Are we doing more werewolf training tonight?” Stiles asked as they finished putting the dishes away, praying the answer was no.

“You look like you need the rest,” Laura said.

Stiles nodded emphatically and she smiled at him like a mother. It was a smile he hadn’t gotten in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

The night before the full moon, Stiles was so exhausted he wasn’t at all convinced he’d ever be able to change again. He’d practiced shifting, controlling his anger, finding and following his alpha, and a whole host of other things from dawn till dusk and then some for days on end. He’d never thought being a werewolf would turn out to be so tiring.

From the moment he awoke the next morning, he could feel it. The full moon was there, waiting for him. He could tell Derek felt it too from the lack of sleepy morning banter. They ate a light breakfast in tense silence until Laura finally spoke.

“Derek, get Stiles ready. I want to show him some things before dark.”

Derek nodded sharply and got up.

“Come on,” he said and Stiles felt himself obey not because he trusted Derek, but because his first beta had told him to move.

Stiles followed Derek back upstairs to his room.

“Get a couple sets of clothes.”

“How many?” Stiles asked.

“Three should do.”

“I don’t have that many pairs of pants with me.”

“Just get some shorts of mine or something.”

Stiles nodded and found the clothes. Derek returned from the hall with a few gigantic zip-lock bags, which he handed over wordlessly. Stiles put the clothes in the bags, looking confused.

“We’ll go out and put our things around the woods so that when we wake up we won’t have to walk home naked,” he explained. “Even out in the middle of nowhere it’s safer that way.”

The whole process was done in almost total silence. Laura only spoke to point out where to leave their things and Derek was utterly silent. At last, Stiles couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay,” he said, stopping behind Derek and folding his arms. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on here?”

Derek and Laura turned to look at him, both still quiet.

“What?” Stiles demanded, glaring at them.

“Look, Stiles, it’s probably nothing,” began Laura gently.

“What is?” he asked at once.

“You’ve been well prepared and you’ve practiced the shift a lot so you should be fine.”

“But,” he prompted.

She glanced at Derek, who nodded.

“But the first full change has been known to—, well, to kill people.”

“It’s usually just omegas,” said Derek at once, stepping forward and reaching for Stiles. “They don’t have an alpha to help them channel their energy and it can... end badly. Bu you’ll be fine.”

_Mom had been going to be fine._

“If you were sure I’d be fine, you wouldn’t be worried,” Stiles said, trying to keep his voice even, but he just didn’t trust “fine.”

“We’re just a little anxious,” he said, though he was unable to hide how artificial his calm tone was. “The forced change is never fun and you probably won’t have a lot of control so the two of us will need to take care of you as well as ourselves,” Derek explained.

“We’ve prepped you about as well as any bitten werewolf can be prepped,” Laura said. “Plus you already have a strong bond with Derek so you’ll be even more inclined to instinctually follow him. You’re going to be fine.”

Stiles nodded, but he still didn’t trust those words. His mother was going to be fine before she died. He was going to be fine before Derek bit him. Still, they walked on until they’d finished setting out their things.

“Alright,” said Laura. “Now that everything’s ready, let’s get to work.”

“Work?” Stiles asked.

“Of course.”

He glanced at Derek, still confused.

“We’re just going to run around a lot, get ourselves as worn out as possible so the wolf has less energy to work with.”

Stiles nodded, thinking that getting himself exhausted would take about ten minutes after all his werewolf training.

* * *

By the time evening shadows were starting to fill the spaces between the tress, the pack was draped across the porch, panting and sweaty. Laura had run them all afternoon nearly without stopping. They’d raced and climbed and sparred, though she hadn’t let them fight too much in an effort to keep their aggression down.

“Alright,” she said after staring at the sky for several minutes. “Let’s go.”

Stiles hauled himself to his feet and slumped along after his pack. He was so tired that he doubted he could have shifted of his own will even if he’d really wanted to. However, he could feel the moon pulling at him. It prickled down his spine and ached in his joints. They walked in tense silence again and Stiles tried his best not to think about why. He wasn’t going to die, he told himself. If he’d lived through Derek doing his best to fucking exsanguinate him in a lacrosse field, he could live through the full moon. Everything was going to be fine.

For real this time.

“Here,” Laura said, stopping.

Derek and Stiles stopped behind her, falling naturally into a tight “V” formation. Stiles could hear every sound of the forest around them and the field beyond it. For a moment, they all just stood there, utterly still, and Stiles thought that they would remain so until the moon rose.

“Alright,” said Laura, turning to them. “This is good.”

Derek gave a sharp nod and the two Hales started undressing.

“Whoa,” said Stiles at once, the shock lurching his mind halfway towards functioning. “Why are we getting naked? I’m really not feeling up for a werewolf orgy and aren’t you two related?”

Laura and Derek stopped, both shirtless, and stared at Stiles.

“When you change, your clothes don’t fit,” said Derek in his best “no shit” voice.

“Oh,” said Stiles, feeling supremely stupid. “Right.” He quickly got himself down to his binder and underwear and looked up to find the Hale’s completely naked. “Seriously?”

Derek shrugged and Stiles tried not to stare in front of his sister.

“We won’t look if it makes you feel better, but you won’t care in the morning,” Laura told him.

“You’d be surprised,” Stiles muttered.

“Hurry up,” she told him suddenly. “It’s almost moonrise.”

Stiles could feel it. His whole body was aching and the back of his neck felt like a million eyes were secretly watching him. Laura turned away to face towards the pull of the moon and Stiles quickly wriggled out of the rest of his clothes. He took his place beside Derek, trying not to feel too awkward about his naked body. Derek silently reached out and took his hand, giving it a little squeeze. Stiles shot a glance over at him, but Derek’s eyes were fixed on the horizon.

“Stay with the pack,” Laura said, not moving to look back at them. “We all stay together and we all stay on the farm. No one is getting hurt tonight.”

Stiles’s chest felt tight as he waited for the moon to rise, his whole body thrumming with nervous energy. He could barely breath, fearful anticipation pushing aside everything else. He could feel the moon’s hold on his body growing stronger and stronger, but he had no idea when it would peak. Derek squeezed his hand again and Stiles was about to squeeze it back when pain ripped through his body, drowning out all feeling and thought.

Stiles didn’t know what happened after that. He only knew that it hurt. He couldn’t see to judge if the rest of his pack was in as much pain as he was, but the place in his mind that they usually occupied was a jumbled mess of incomprehensible signals. At some point, he felt himself hit the ground, but the sensation of the moon tearing down and rebuilding his body was so beyond anything he’d ever felt before that his mind couldn’t understand it.

At last, the pain died down enough that his brain was able to come back online. For a moment, he still couldn’t make sense of the input he was receiving, but at last the world coalesced into something real again. He could see the forest around him and a jet-black wolf to his right and a dark brown one in front. However, it didn’t matter much. What did matter were the smells and sounds telling him the locations of the small animals in the trees, the direction the wind was blowing through his fur, the tiniest movements of his pack, and anything else he could possibly want to know. He wanted to run, to chase, to find something living and rend its body into warm, wet pieces. He wanted to streak through the trees with his pack, invisible as the shadows of owls. He wanted to bend the world his feral will because he was at the top of the food chain. Through it all, however, he could feel the overpowering force of the moon controlling him. But he didn’t care. He couldn’t care. He was a free, wild thing in the dark night. He felt more himself than he ever had in his life and he could barely remember ever having been something other than what he was now.

He glanced over at the black wolf and a bolt of a foreign, strange feeling shot through him, causing him to jerk away.

Fear. He was afraid of the black wolf. The fear reminded him of something and he was able to find human thoughts again.

_Focus_ , he told himself. _Remember your anchor. Your name is Stiles Stilinski and the last thing your mom said to you was that she loved you. Remember._

Once he’d found his thoughts again and felt more secure in himself, he turned his attention to his pack. Surely they were as ready to run as he was. He looked to the dark brown wolf, sensing her power and eager to follow her lead. His alpha looked back at him without much interest. He felt instantly crushed, ducking his head and whining softly. His alpha approached him and he heard the other beta step away. She looked down at him and, without thinking, he lowered himself to the ground and rolled onto his back. His alpha nosed at his exposed throat for a moment before turning away, seemingly satisfied with his submission.

He flipped back onto his feet, impatient to start running.

The alpha looked over her pack for a moment longer and then shot off into the darkness. The first beta followed her and the smallest wolf took up the rear.

Running felt incredible.

The night air rushed through his thick fur and carried uncountable smells past his noise. He wanted to chase down every single one, but any time he tried to step out of line with his pack, the alpha snarled at him without even having to look back.

He began developing a dual awareness. Without even trying he could hear and smell everything anywhere near him and it all made sense. He understood his senses and he understood his pack. However, if he focused, he knew he was with Laura and Derek, knew that everything could go wrong at any moment. When he thought too hard, the input blurred together and he couldn’t make sense of the world anymore. The scents and sounds would become too much and he’d stagger, not even sure how to control his own body. It was much easer to just let himself be the wolf, sleek and perfect, but he had to remember his mother. He had to.

He sensed a sudden purpose in the pack and realized a moment later that he could hear something large. They were hunting.

He lost himself in the chase and was barely aware of what was happening until his alpha was snarling at him, driving him away from the kill until she’d had her fill of it. He whined, but moved away to wait his turn. The air was filled with the smell of hot blood and fresh meat and the only thing restraining him was his dedication to his alpha. When at last she and the first beta let him approach the kill, he shot forward joyfully and lowered his muzzle into the still warm flesh.

_Your mother loved you._

He froze, nose less than an inch from the bleeding carcass.

_You’re a human being and your mother loved you and that is disgusting_.

He wrenched himself away from the dead deer on the ground, feeling suddenly sick, such a human sensation that he could barely figure out how to move his lupine body. What the hell was he doing? He could feel the eyes and ears of his alpha and first beta upon him, but not even his dedication to his pack could make him eat the dead creature they’d killed together. He realized he could taste its blood in his mouth and he pawed at his muzzle, trying to clean his tongue, but it was no good. Eventually, he gave up under the watchful gaze of his alpha, who, he could sense, was worried and confused.

The rest of the night passed in a strange mix of ecstasy and dizzy horror at his own actions. Running with his pack felt amazing, felt like how junkies describe their drug of choice, but sometimes he would come back to himself and stumble, unable to reconcile his two minds. Neither of his other pack members seemed to be having the same problem and he supposed he would eventually make peace between his two parts, but, for now, he felt like two entirely different beings shoved roughly into a shared form.

When, at last, he felt the moon beginning to set, he stopped with the rest of his pack. They all stood still, only their ears flicking around to take in the sounds of the early morning birds. He could feel the feral part of himself giving way as he slipped free of the moon’s control. All three wolves were tense as they waited and he could guess from the others that shifting back would hurt no less than it had at moonrise.

The change ripped through Stiles’s body the instant the moon was gone from the sky. He felt like he was imploding, collapsing in upon himself. The wolf was being sucked back into its hiding place somewhere inside him and he was sure for a moment that it would take the rest of him with it and there would be nothing left.

He fell, gasping, to the cool earth of the forest floor, so exhausted that he was unconscious within moments.


	5. Chapter 5

“Stiles?”

Stiles blinked and lifted his head. He was still lying naked in the dirt, but he could see Laura and Derek sitting near him. He slowly pushed himself into a slightly more upright position, feeling a rather light-headed, but perfectly fine compared to how he’d been after the last full moon.

“I guess you’re stuck with me, huh?” he asked, smiling a little weakly.

“Looks that way,” Derek agreed.

“Stiles, that was—,” Laura began, shaking her head slowly.

“What?” he asked. “Did I not do so good?”

“No,” she said, looking a little dazed. “You did amazingly. I’ve never seen anyone with control like that who wasn’t an alpha.”

“Really? I felt like I was going to explode most of the night.”

“That’s because your human mind was so active,” explained Laura. “You walked away from a kill. I’ve _never_ seen a wolf do that before.”

Stiles shrugged, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. He felt very exposed in more ways than one. Laura was staring at him and he knew she was trying to guess his anchor. He also couldn’t help wondering what she made of his naked body.

Laura frowned, seeming to pick up on Stiles’s emotions and she got to her feet, showing no embarrassment about her warm curves. Her body was speckled green by the morning light filtering in through the leaves above them.

“I’ll go find our clothes,” she said before turning and moving away through the trees, still light on her feet despite the shift from four to two.

“Are you alright?” Derek asked, moving over to sit beside Stiles.

“Yeah. Kinda dizzy.”

“That’s normal,” Derek assured him. “Drink some water when we get home.”

“I think—,” said Stiles finally. “I think when I was a wolf, I was—.” He wasn’t even sure what the right wording was.

“Yeah,” said Derek. “You were.”

“How?”

“Sometimes,” he said slowly, “the form you take reflects the person that you are. It’s pretty rare, but it can have all sorts of out-comes.”

“Like what?”

“People taking the shape of different animals.”

“But for me—?”

“For you, your wolf-form is—.” Derek frowned, trying to figure out how to phrase it without saying something that might offend.

“Male,” said Stiles, his voice catching slightly.

“Because you are male, Stiles,” Derek said firmly. “The form you take reflects the person that you are.”

* * *

That evening, once they’d all recovered from the forced change, Stiles quietly asked Derek to go on a walk with him. They wandered across the property, not talking about anything in particular until they returned to the clearing where they’d talked before. Derek stopped and turned to face Stiles, waiting for him to say whatever it was that he didn’t want Laura to hear.

Stiles shuffled for a moment. He felt full of questions and didn’t know where to start. Maybe with the easier ones? Which ones were those?

“So, um,” he said, scuffing the button of one shoe against the forest floor. “Did you tell Laura that you turned me on purpose or...?” He glanced up at Derek, hoping the question hadn’t been a bad one.

“I told her the truth,” he said. “For one thing, it’s hard to lie to your alpha, but she’s more than my alpha. She’s my sister and I trust her.”

“So you told her everything that happened that night?”

“Everything that I knew.”

Stiles nodded.

“So she knows what I said to Allison?”

“Yes.”

“What did she say?” Stiles watched Derek’s face. He wanted Laura to think well of him, but not just because she was his alpha. She was Derek’s sister and he wanted her approval as an acceptable match for her little brother.

“She was impressed,” Derek said.

“Why?”

“That was some pretty impressive loyalty.”

“Why does everyone think I secretly have it out for you or something?”

“It’s not that,” he said quickly. “But I could have killed you and you still protected me.”

“Of course I did,” said Stiles taking a few steps closer to Derek. “Why is that such a surprise to you?”

“I guess it’s just been me and Laura alone for a long time.”

Stiles nodded. He could understand that. After his mom had died, his whole world had been his dad and Scott until he’d gotten to college.

“Can I ask you something?” Stiles said after a moment.

Derek nodded.

“What happened that night?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, shifting his weight slightly.

“I mean, you never ran onto campus and bit anyone else, right? And you’ve been at school for three years. What happened?”

Derek stared moodily at the ground, giving it a look that suggested the fallen leaves had slighted him in some way.

“Was it your anchor?” Stiles asked quietly. He wasn’t going to say it, but he thought Derek at least owed him an explanation.

“Yeah,” Derek said after a moment.

“What happened?” Stiles asked again.

Derek sighed, turning away from Stiles to pace the clearing.

“If your anchor isn’t fixed, things can... can go wrong. A strong anchor can keep you incredibly grounded as you proved last night, but a weak one can let the wolf take over.”

“So you picked a weak anchor?” Stiles asked.

“No. I actually managed to mess it up worse than that.” He turned away from the trees to give Stiles a bitter smile. “If you have a conflict between two anchors, even two strong ones, it gets too confusing when you’re transformed and, well, you know the rest.”

“You had two anchors and that...?” Stiles asked.

“Pulled me in two different directions and gave the wolf a way out,” explained Derek.

“What were they?” Stiles asked, not really thinking about how personal the question was.

Derek moved away, facing towards the trees again and Stiles thought that he wouldn’t answer.

“My family,” he said. “Before the fire. That’s been my anchor for years. I never even had to think about it; it was just right.”

“And?” Stiles prompted after a long pause.

“And you.”

Stiles felt his breath catch. Derek cared about him – no, loved him – enough to make him an anchor?

“Realizing that I— how I felt about you – it threw me off. I’d never had a force you like in my life before and it made sense to have as my—. You know. But my family had been it for so long and it felt like betraying them. So in trying not to betray my family, I betrayed you.”

“Derek,” said Stiles softly, crossing the clearing and putting a hand on Derek’s shoulder. He turned the taller man towards him and watched his crumpled face with steady, patient eyes. “You didn’t betray me.”

Derek didn’t answer, but the contradiction was clear on his face.

“No,” said Stiles firmly. “We’re done with that. We’re done with you feeling guilty about turning me. I’m _fine_ , Derek. I’m not going to die and I’m not going to do anything to make hunters try to kill me. I’m strong enough for this. Cut the moody bullshit; you’re acting like a teenager.”

“But you’re transition—,” Derek began.

“You win some, you lose some.”

“What did you win?”

“A— _my_ pack,” said Stiles. “I know you’ve had it all your life, but the feeling of suddenly having that force? It’s amazing. Just coming up the driveway the first time felt more like coming home than pulling up to my dad’s place has since my mom died. I mean, I love my dad, but a pack is something so different and so—.” He searched for a word, but couldn’t find it. The idea was too big, too powerful for him to even begin to nail down.

Derek just nodded, smiling faintly.

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I know.” He was silent for a moment before licking his lips and focusing his eyes on Stiles. “Can I ask _you_ something?”

“Of course.”

“How did you do it?”

“Do what?” he asked, confused.

“Last night. Like Laura said, I’d never seen anything like that before.”

“I guess my anchor’s just really good?” Stiles suggested.

Derek shook his head.

“No, it’s more than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You were so in control. It was incredible. If I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t believe it.”

Stiles shrugged, thinking.

“I guess,” he said slowly, “I’ve spent so much of my life and my energy fighting to be who I am that I wasn’t going to give it up that easily.”

Derek nodded, not looking entirely convinced.

“You don’t think that makes sense?” Stiles asked.

“I don’t know,” he said again. “That’s probably part of it, though. Maybe it’s just a mystery.”

“So now what?” Stiles asked after a moment of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“What happens for the rest of the summer? I mean, I think my dad will notice if I come up here once a month, but I don’t know if I can do that without you guys.”

“You can. You’ve already proven that. Just don’t let your anchor waver and you’ll be fine,” Derek told him firmly. “We’ll look at some maps with Laura and find a place for you to go.”

Stiles nodded.

“You’re going to be okay. Like you said, you’re strong enough for this.”

* * *

Stiles awoke the next morning in the tangle of limbs and blankets that was his pack. It was warm and safe nestled in with Laura and Derek and Stiles did not want to get up. However, he’d told his dad he’d be home that night and, reluctantly, he got up with the others. Derek cooked breakfast for them while Laura confirmed Stiles’s plans for the next full moon.

Stiles didn’t cry as he stood by his Jeep saying goodbye to his pack, but he felt like it.

“Thanks for everything,” he said, hugging Laura.

“Of course. Call me anytime.”

Stiles nodded.

“Will I see you again soon?” he asked.

“Well, you’re always welcome here, of course, but if I don’t see you again this summer, I bet I could go help my little brother move into college one last time.” She reached over and pinched Derek’s cheek.

Derek glowered at her, but she and Stiles just laughed.

Laura stepped back to give Derek and Stiles some space, though they knew she could still hear them perfectly well.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” Derek said, pulling Stiles into a hug.

“Yeah,” he said, feeling his throat tighten even more.

“You’re going to be fine.”

“I know.”

Derek shifted the hug to pull Stiles up into a kiss.

“I love you,” he murmured, lips barely brushing Stiles’s as he spoke.

“I love you too,” Stiles replied, almost without thinking.

For a moment, they were both a little shocked by the words, but they both knew it was true almost at once. They smiled at each other before Derek let Stiles go and Stiles reluctantly pulled away.

“Have a safe drive,” Laura said as he got into the car. “Call us when you get there.”

“I will,” he said, rolling down the window.

Derek leaned in to kiss him one last time before Stiles pulled away from the house that had become, in a flash of brilliant love, his second home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the email formatting is kind of lazy writing, but I am a lazy writer and I wanted to get a few more facts set up with minimum effort.

Stiles-

I’m going back to Beacon Hills with Laura so I might be out of touch for a while. I haven’t been since Christmas and we’re going to visit Peter, which is always weird. He should still be part of our pack, but we can’t feel him anymore. He’s alive, but really only technically. It seems futile, but he’s not on life support so there’s always a chance that his healing will come back somehow. Anyway.

While I’m there, I’m going to meet with my pack’s old emissary (remember that from your werewolf 101?) who’s a doctor of sorts. If anyone knows how to help you keep going with your transition, he will.

\- Derek

* * *

Derek-

Thanks for letting me know. I hope you’re trip is... well... not fun, but I hope it goes okay. That came out all wrong. But I think you know what I mean.

Also thanks for looking into that for me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to or anything, but I guess you and Laura do have more resources than I do. I’m talking to my doctor about switching to gel for taking T. I don’t think it’d be as high a dose, but it might work better. I’ve been trying to keep the injections going, but it’s really hard to keep the needle in while my leg is trying to heal around it. >.<

Call when you can, okay?

\- Stiles

* * *

Stiles-

Sorry I was out of touch for a couple of days there. I did a lot of the driving and then we were in Beacon Hill and everything. We’re heading back home tomorrow and I’ll call you when I get there.

I talked to Deaton and he said he’d look into for us. I don’t think it’s something he’s ever encountered before, but he’s a smart guy. He said he had a couple of ideas about T, but that surgery would be a bigger problem. That doesn’t mean he can’t figure it out. He’s done crazier things for my pack. I’m sure we’ll hear back from him at some point.

Laura has informed me that she’s moving me in so you’ll see her then.

Talk to you soon.

\- Derek

* * *

Derek-

Glad you made it through you’re trip and I hope it went as well as it could have.

Thanks for talking to Deaton for me. I talked my doctor into giving me a prescription for the gel so I’m hoping that works, but something definitely werewolf-proof would be awesome. Not to freak you out, but a needle broke off in my leg the other day and let me tell you that was nasty. It didn’t hurt as much as I expected, but it’s really gross watching your leg push a piece of metal out of it. =( I’m okay, never fear, and I got the dose in eventually; it just took more precision.  Still, I’d be into not doing that again.

Tell Laura I’m excited to see her!

\- Stiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And other part ends.  
> More to come. Some day. Hopefully sooner rather than later.


End file.
